A Single Mom's Story
Last night, I hugged my 16-year-old son good-bye, maybe forever. My daughter has two children whom I am rarely allowed to see. One son is in the Navy. One precious son is still at home. In the past two years, I went from being part of a big, bustling family of six to this lonely existence. I turn it over and over in my mind, wondering if the choices I made might have made a difference, but I know we can't change the past. I can only live our best today and look forward to tomorrow.
Ten years ago, right after my divorce from my husband of 14 years, I realized that I was in love with my best friend. It turns out that she loved me, too. After a lot of obstacles and hurting a lot of people, we were able to come together into a family: my four children, the love of my life and myself. We were together for almost six years when she left me for another woman. Actually, "left" isn't an accurate word since the kids and I had to move out of our big, beautiful home so she could move her new girlfriend in.
Within six months, one of my sons was on drugs and drinking heavily. My daughter was pregnant and had dropped out of school. And I was so depressed from the loss of my love - my "lesbian divorce" - that I wasn't fit to help my kids. When I went through that, no one gave me any kind of support. Our friends were so shocked that they didn't know what to say and avoided me. My family was glad I was no longer with a woman and an embarrassment to them. The people I knew from work were totally unable to understand my pain because they couldn't understand how I could love someone as much as I loved her. Even my therapist, who is gay-friendly, didn't understand what was happening to me.
As I have struggled with single-parenthood during the past three-and-a-half years, I have found no lesbian role models or peers. Stories and articles abound about couples, adoption, marriage and the ins and outs of same-sex family life. I did a search on this site for a story on single parenting in the gay and lesbian world and the search found nothing.
But I have to believe that I'm not alone. I have to hope that someone else has been through this - that someone else is so busy trying to heal from their own hurt and trying to raise their children that they don't even know the first thing about dating in the lesbian world. I have to hope that someone can tell me that the struggle to survive is worth it - and that when my last child is grown and gone, I will be able to deal with not only the loneliness but also the empty nest. I have to hope that someone will share a story of laughter and the ups and downs of being a single, out lesbian mom.