Two Dads and the Baby Who Arrived in One Month
Just like any other prospective adoptive parents, Tom and Ken participated in an adoption agency orientation, completed the home study found an attorney and prepared for the wait. But they didn't wait long.
"Amazingly, 2 1/2 weeks after engaging our attorney at the beginning of November 1999, we were put in contact with Emma's mom," Tom said, "and 1 1/2 weeks later, Emma was born. We were not expecting things to happen so quickly since we had originally anticipated this process to take 1 to 2 years."
After their first visit to HRC FamilyNet, Tom and Ken wrote in two weeks ago to share their experiences and offer an addition to our growing list of lesbian- and gay-friendly adoption agencies: The Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services, located in Los Angeles.
Tom and Ken enjoy the benefits of a network of the "Pop Luck Club" - a growing group of single and coupled gay parents and prospective parents started two years ago by a Los Angeles-based psychologist. "We get together once a month for a picnic at a local park until the weather gets cold, and then we move it indoors," said Tom.
The Pop Luck Club offers peer support, which proves important for many parents. It provides a place for sharing resources: everything from swapping the names of attorneys and judges to insights on the best car seats. But, above all, Emma's dads see the club as a long-term commitment for the children involved. Emma will have many opportunities to get to know other kids in families like hers as she grows.
Tom and Ken consider themselves fortunate to live in a welcoming, albeit reserved, neighborhood. When they moved into their home several years ago, a neighbor stopped by to introduce himself and commented that the nice thing about the neighborhood was that "people keep to themselves." This description turned out to be accurate for a time. But, since Emma has entered their lives, that has all changed. "We feel a closeness to the community that we didn't have before," said Ken.
There have been political events that have touched their lives as well. Just weeks before Emma was born, Gov. Gray Davis lifted the ban on adoptions by unmarried couples; and when Emma's joint adoption was finalized in October 2000, the State of California issued a certificate that recognized the three of them as an official family.
On Dec. 6, Emma will celebrate her first birthday. Looking back, her dads describe the past year as "everything we could have ever hoped for, and more." As for the future, they have started the process all over again. Emma may soon be a big sister.