When Co-Workers Decided I Was Gay
by Jacqueline Thomas
I am a 42-year-old black, gay woman. I lead an everyday life. I pay my taxes and understand that I am not exempt from the basic rules of life. And I’m very respectful toward other people and their space.
In October 2002, I started a temporary job in the accounting department of a law firm. In the beginning, the atmosphere there seemed workable. But within a week, someone decided I was gay and soon after the offensive comments started.
One day, the uncle of the woman I worked for came into the office and asked me on a date, saying, “If you go out with me, you won’t be gay anymore.” I did not even dignify him with an answer. However, I did smile because then I knew they were curious about me.
A couple of days later, a co-worker asked me if I wanted to have a smoke with her. I said OK. She later said that AIDS existed because of people like me. I ignored her comments, considering the source.
Then during the holidays, a woman asked what I would be doing for the New Year. I said I would be in church. She said, “Well, you need to take a damn man to church with you.”
Shortly after, I called my agency and told them that I was being harassed and discriminated against because my co-workers presumed I was gay. No one had ever asked me. I would have told them yes, not that it’s any of their business anyway. But I got tired of the comments and backbiting, all because of what someone thinks.
My agency followed up with the client and the following day removed me from the assignment. They stated that I had made a racial comment toward someone. I told my agency that that was clearly an untruth, as they would have discovered if they inquired a little further into that situation.
When I originally got the job, it was only for three weeks. My work was outstanding and I was able to extend the assignment into a three-month gig before they asked me to leave so suddenly. I ask myself, what just happened?
Hiding one's sexual orientation takes work. But not coming out can take a terrible toll on a person's self-esteem and personal happiness.
2002 was a very trying year for many people, including myself. I was laid off due to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. My brother passed away, and I had a small stroke. My church and some friends have helped me with my rent for a couple of months until I could get healthy enough for work. Now I am no longer entitled to any benefits and I have to start over. I am looking for other assignments and jobs, but it’s a difficult time to find employment.
I always have to balance the financial consequences of coming out with the psychological consequences of not coming out. Although American workplace tolerance is increasing toward gays and lesbians, we still meet with some outright hostility. But harassment on the basis of sexual orientation has no place in our society.
Today, I am a free gay black woman and enjoy who I have become in the eyes of God and my fellow man.
April 3, 2003