John Ball Jr.
Sergeant, United States Marine Corps (1999-2003)
As a Marine I served under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy from September 1999 to September 2003. As a 23-year-old sergeant I was honorably discharged after serving in the Iraqi war. I then moved back to my home town in Sassamansville, Pa. Since discharged, it has been very rough adjusting back to civilian life. I originally made a decision to re-enlist and go back into the Marine Corps. After completing the paperwork for re-enlistment, I was awaiting a response from headquarters Marine Corps. While waiting I attended a seminar in Washington, D.C., held by the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. There I saw a performance of a one-man play, entitled “Another American: Asking & Telling.” Marc Wolf, the play's writer and sole actor, based his play on interviews given to him by hundreds of gay and lesbian service members across the country. This was a very powerful play which really spoke to me and made me realize what the policy was doing.
After the play I spoke to many gay veterans. Some I talked to retired with honorable discharges and others were discharged without any benefits because of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, which discriminates against and does not allow openly gay servicemembers. This opened my eyes and made me realize the U.S. government denies rights to gay servicemembers — rights which are given to straight servicemembers. This led me to believe if they found out I was gay, they would not fight on my behalf or support me in any way. It’s not like I hadn’t thought about this before. But now it was just so real to me. You could be the best Marine in your unit with respect from all ranks in your chain of command. You could go to war, risk your life and help your brothers next to you. But when they found out you were gay, they would simply kick you out in the middle of the street with a dishonorable discharge.
I am a proud American who sheds tears when the national anthem is played. I get chills when I’m driving down the road and see Old Glory flying in the wind and get angry when other countries commit relentless acts toward the United States. Out of loyalty to my country I dedicated four years of my life to serve. Yes, I was honorably discharged, and my chain of command did not find out I was gay.
I still have and use my Veterans Administration benefits. I continue to love this country and would not want to live anywhere else. But to think that Uncle Sam legally could have taken everything away from me if he would have found out I was gay. To think of how I would have been treated really makes me feel that gay and lesbian soldiers are fighting for freedom they do not have. They are proud of this country and fighting for it, yet they do not share the same freedoms that they are fighting for. What sense does this make?
I love the Marine Corps and would go back in a heartbeat. But it scares me to think that they could so quickly take away everything I’ve earned. It made me very hesitant to re-enlist. I know I am not alone. I know there are many Marines, soldiers, sailors and airmen home and abroad who share the same injustices as I. Servicemembers who are devoted and want to re-enlist but also want to start living their lives out of the closet.
That’s one of the reasons I am writing this, since I’ve been out and since I’ve made up my mind to not re-enlist. I regularly think about getting involved with the movement to lift the ban on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” though I’m not sure what I can do, not sure if my story will even make an impact. But if there is, I am willing to give my time, energy and whatever I can to make a difference on the discriminating factors that gay and lesbian soldiers face everyday.
This story originally appeared as an opinion piece in the Marine Corps Times, Oct. 4, 2004, edition.