Melissa Sheridan Embser-Herbert
Captain, U.S. Army/Army Reserve (1978-2000)
When I was in college, I was introduced to the possibilities of military service by the lesbian service members I met at a bar in Washington, D.C. Upon graduation, I enlisted. I was on active duty in the Army, serving as a member of the military police. I later served in the Army Reserve, obtained my commission by attending Officer Candidate School at Fort Benning, Ga., and was in and out of Reserve units until the mid 1990s.
While a reservist, ironically, I was also the Arizona coordinator for the then Human Rights Campaign Fund "Lift the Ban" campaign in 1993!
In 1995, I completed my doctorate and moved to Minnesota. I had 17 years in service, but only about 10 years good toward retirement. That seemed to be the point at which I had to decide whether I was going to continue to work toward my 20 or quit. I decided not to resign my commission, but I did not join a unit. Instead, I wrote an academic book on women and the military and earned tenure. I knew I would ultimately resign, as I was getting too old and the Army was changing too much for me to go back.
I was finally convinced to resign when my partner and I became "hyphenated lesbians" and planned to have a child. I had feared that I would get in 18 good years and then be tossed out, just short of 20. Changing my name via court order rather than a marriage certificate would surely prompt a flag. Besides, at my last unit I had just become so tired of the charade. The, "we-know-but-we'll-ignore-it-so-we-won't-ask-what-you-did-over-the-weekend" tango. In February 2000, I resigned my commission as a captain.
Until the ban (and, yes, "don't ask, don't tell" is a ban) is lifted, everyone - women and men, GLBT and not - will continue to experience the negative impact of military discrimination and intolerance. For an institution that claims to exist for "freedom and democracy" and whose primary goal is to "accomplish the mission," the ban does little to support the first and works completely against the latter. I hope that in my lifetime the U.S. Congress will realize that and repeal "don't ask, don't tell."