Hillary O’Connor
Chief Petty Officer, U.S. Coast Guard (Retired)
I knew that I was gay when I joined the Coast Guard in 1983. I had no interest in attending college, and I knew that in the service I would be able to meet other lesbians (and did I ever).
Like many of my peers, I had no intention of making the military a career. But then it seemed like I woke up one day and over 10 years had passed. It was at that point that I decided to stick it out until the end. It was a hard road and one I don’t know if I would recommend to any other gays or lesbians. I had to play a lot of games and tell a lot of lies to get by.
I don’t know if I was ever investigated for homosexuality, but I’m sure that there was a lot of speculation. I managed to maintain a Top Secret security clearance throughout my career.
Toward the end of my career I started to live in a closet with an open door. My whole life was there for anyone to see if they chose to peek in. Although my partner of nine years was considered the “nanny” to our two children, she was recognized at my retirement ceremony by my commanding officer for her contributions during my last assignment. That was a lot more than we could have hoped for.
I loved the years I spent in the service, but I have never felt so free as I have since my retirement. I now work in local county government where my domestic partnership is recognized. My partner receives full spousal benefits. It feels so wonderful to be out.