Rebecca A. Kanis
Captain, U.S. Army (1991-2000)
West Point is well-known for its honor code: “A cadet will not lie, cheat, steal or tolerate those who do.” When I was a cadet, I lied about my sexual orientation to avoid expulsion from the Military Academy. I was under investigation for being a lesbian in 1989, before implementation of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. At the time, lying felt like the only option. The prospect of returning to a small town in Kansas was unthinkable. Violating the honor code and my own integrity is something I will always regret. I wish that I had the courage of my convictions then that I have now. If I could do it over again, I would admit that I was a lesbian and accept the consequences.
I graduated from West Point in 1991, then served for nine years in the Army. I had two company commands, both in Special Operations units. My superiors identified me as "best staff officer in the battalion" and "best company commander in the brigade." As my career took off, my personal life suffered. I had vague answers to simple questions like, “Why aren’t you dating anyone?” I suspect that unit cohesion, that favorite excuse for not integrating gay soldiers, is harmed more by the social awkwardness of gay soldiers living secret lives than by the temporary discomfort of gay soldiers coming out. I say this because after I resigned my commission, I informed at least 100 people that they had served with a gay officer. Almost everyone I contacted, from privates to four-star generals, knew or suspected that I was a lesbian. All of them knew and none of them cared.
There was nothing courageous about my decision to lie about my sexual orientation in 1989, or my vague answers to casual questions about who I was dating. Resigning my commission was my first act of courage and the beginning of a journey to reclaim my integrity.
The Urban Institute estimates that 65,000 soldiers are gay. For many of them, military service is the only option for getting ahead. In return for this opportunity, they are willing to subordinate their personal desires, even sacrifice their lives, for something bigger than themselves. In a country that claims to be a beacon of freedom and opportunity, in an institution that claims to value integrity and respect for others, gay and lesbian soldiers should be allowed to serve their country and tell the truth about who they love.