Ed Urbaniak
Captain, United States Army (1983-1992)
I grew up in the suburbs of Buffalo, NY. When I was a Junior in High School, I decided to join then Army. I made this decision for many of the same reasons that young people decide to join the Armed Services. I wanted a secure way to get away from home and do something different before I pursued a college education. I also needed the financial assistance that I would be eligible for as a Veteran.
Growing up, I always knew that I was somehow different than my neighborhood friends, but I couldn't put a label on that difference. Living in suburbia, I had no knowledge of what it meant to be gay and I couldn't identify with the sensational images of gay people that I saw in the national media.
Three days after I graduated from High School in June of 1983, I departed for Basic Training at Ft. Sill Oklahoma. While there, my drill sergeants saw the potential leader within me. They recommended me for a program at the United States Military Academy Preparatory School that could lead to an appointment to West Point. I graduated from my specialty training as honor graduate with the highest academic average in my class and departed to my first duty assignment at Ft. Lewis, Washington. I was accepted to the West Point Prep School and ultimately received my appointment to West Point. While at the Prep School, I made two great friends-Leo and Ron. We were inseparable.
During the summer of 1985, I was admitted to West Point where, for the first time in my life, I was "average". It was an unusual experience being lumped with the nation's finest young men and women. While at West Point, I also came to terms with my homosexuality. It was during my first three years at West Point that I made a few gay friends-one other cadet and a friend from high school. They introduced me to gay people that I could identify with. I learned that gay people could be masculine, hard-working, honorable, Christian and have many other traits with which I identified. I still remember the day that I "came out to myself". It was the night before the first day of class my senior year. My exact thought was, "OK, I'm gay. Now what?" That was the summer of 1988-before the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy was ever thought about. I knew that I was asked about my sexual orientation when I joined the Army in 1982, but I didn't know what to do having self-identified after enlisting. I did know that I'd be kicked out, but I wasn't sure if I'd go to jail, have to pay back for my education or what would happen to me. I decided to keep my personal life to myself and continue on with my education and military service.
After I graduated from West Point, I was commissioned as a second lieutenant in Armor (tanks). I attended my officer basic course at Ft. Knox Kentucky. While at a local nightclub in Louisville, KY, I met another gay soldier from Ft. Knox. This opened the door to a hidden world of gays in the military. Within a year, I had met dozens of gay soldiers, sailors and airmen. It seemed that every member of this hidden world knew several people that you hadn't met and were able to help you connect with gays at your next assignment.
It was also during my basic course that I started to come out to friends and family. The first West Point classmate that I came out to was my friend-Ron. Ron turned out to be the true friend that I had known for 5 years. He was accepting of me from the first minute. I found that coming out to friends in the military was not as risky as one may believe. I found that my military co-workers were rational and therefore able to accept my sexuality. I have the honor of being Godfather to Leo's daughter and Ron's son.
My first duty assignment was in Korea. I loved my times leading soldiers. I remember the times when they would come to me with their problems. Once, in the middle of the night, several of my soldiers came to my quarters. They were concerned about another soldier from our platoon. I got up and talked with him all night about his problem. I don't know if my soldiers suspected my sexuality, but I am pretty sure that they trusted me as a leader.
After Korea, I was stationed at Ft. Polk, LA, where I was selected above several senior first lieutenants to be a company executive officer. While at Ft. Polk, I met many more gay and lesbian soldiers. It was during this time that I learned that keeping this large secret was more taxing on my psyche than I had thought. During the summer of 1991, my West Point class was given the opportunity to leave the service without completing our current term of service.
While I had enjoyed the military for nine years of my life, having the threat of loosing my career constantly in my mind was not the way to live. I left the Army in February of 1992 to find opportunities where my work ethic, intelligence and honesty would be valued rather than having an employer who was only concerned that I wouldn't fall in love with another man.
After leaving active duty, I attended the 1993 March on Washington. It was there where I met a group of Gay and Lesbian alumni of the five Service Academies. I became active in their group-the Service Academy Gay and Lesbian Alumni. In April of 2001, I took over as Chair of that group. To learn more about gay alumni of the service academies, go to our web site http://www.sagala.net/.
I have many fond memories of the Army. My partner and I still socialize with many of my West Point classmates. The military made me the man that I am today. It gave me an education and self-confidence. I learned how to manage assets and lead people. My only regret is that staying in the military was never an option for me because the organization that took so much time making me who I am today would have dropped me if they even suspected that I was gay.