Lesbian couple leaves America in search of equal rights
by Patricia Swinson
I was born and raised in South Africa, immigrated to Canada at 14, and after I graduated university, moved to the United States to work. A month after arriving in North Carolina, I met Trish in a little bookshop, over lemonade and the only two queer books in the whole store. We've been together ever since.
I have lived here for three years now, and I love Americans. I love the honesty and the humor, the friendship and integrity shown by most of the people I meet every day. I am also going back to Canada. Actually, my American partner and I are going to Canada. We are so tired of fighting the system. We are just plain tired. We can live with anger and frustration in America, or we can live elsewhere.
Yesterday, I completed an application for an apartment, listed Trish under the "spousal information" section, and was approved for the apartment. While I was out, Trish got a call from the manager of the complex, asking her to fill out a separate application -- with a separate application fee, of course. She has to be assessed separately because ours is apparently not a “marriage situation.” I was furious and called the woman back. I explained that it was indeed a marriage situation, but that Trish and I were just not legally allowed to marry in the state of North Carolina. She explained that they had to check Trish’s credit history and the credit-checking company wouldn’t recognize our marriage. Huh?
I'm completely out at work. My boss refers to Trish as “your friend, significant other, whatever it is you call her,” although I don’t remember calling her anything but “my partner” and “Trish.” My “whatever it is you call her” is a teacher, and is provided no protection by her employer, the state. My being out at work in a small Southern town actually jeopardizes her career.
Last summer, we tried to buy membership for the municipal swimming pool. They were very gracious in turning us down for the family membership.
“It’s just the rule,” they said. “You have to show your marriage certificate to get the family rate, but we certainly will let you buy two individual memberships.”
Let us pay double? We’re gay, not stupid!
So, as young men and women fight for freedom, and human rights abuses in Iraq are held up for comparison to the American standard, we are planning our move out of America. I know Canada will have its frustrations and obstacles, but human rights at home are important topics in Canadian politics and the media. I will miss my American friends and extended family, but it’s time to stop fighting to live our lives and to start living our lives with perhaps a little fight on the side.
May 16, 2003