Transgender Visibility Guide: For Family and Friends
If your friend or family member has come out to you as transgender, you may be wondering how to respond. Everyone does so differently. Many are confused and have questions. Some are relieved they know what’s been on their loved one’s mind, and others are hurt they weren’t told sooner. You may feel a mixture of all three emotions and more. You may not even be able to understand what it is that you’re feeling.
Regardless of how you’re feeling, it’s helpful if you can reassure your family member or friend that your feelings for them have not suddenly disappeared. Let them know you will try your best to support them through this process. It’s OK to tell them it’s going to take some time to adjust. Be honest with them if you have questions you’d like to ask as they, too, had questions they had to answer along the way.
If you have questions you’re uncomfortable asking, you can find resources elsewhere. Support groups — both online and in many cities and towns across the country — can help you get the answers you’re looking for. There is also a range of books and websites that offer more information. You can find resources and answers to some common questions here (link to resources & publications).
In the end, knowing that you still care is what matters most to your friend or family member.
A Note for Parents of Transgender or Gender–Questioning Children
While some transgender people only come to understand their identity as adults, there are many who deal with these questions at very young ages. If you’re reading this guide, it means you’re already well on the way toward providing a supportive environment for your child.
It’s important to let your children explore their gender without trying to change or pressure them toward one mode of gender expression. There are some circumstances where this may prove difficult — if your child refuses to wear the school uniform for their sex assigned at birth, for example.
While you can’t allow your children to get their way in every situation, these may be more than small refusals. Talk to your child to gauge how important these issues are to them. It may also help to talk to school authorities and work out a solution.
Many parents also pursue counseling with their children. But it’s important to let your child know that there’s nothing wrong with them if you decide counseling is necessary. Seeking out a supportive therapist who has experience with gender issues in children is also a wise step.
Above all, reassure your children that differences are to be celebrated and you love them no matter what. Acceptance of diversity is an important value for all children — and adults.
Specific resources and support groups for parents of transgender children are available to you.
Transgender Visibility Guide
