Telling Family Members
No matter what their age, many people are afraid their parents will reject them if they come out. The good news is that you’re probably wrong. However, if you are under age 18 or financially dependent on your parents, consider this very, very carefully.
It’s true that many parents are shocked when their children say they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. But it’s also true that most parents are unwilling to completely reject their children.
Some reactions you may want to prepare for:
- Some parents may react in ways that hurt. They may cry, get angry or feel embarrassed.
- Some parents will feel honored and appreciate that you have entrusted them with an important piece of truth about yourself.
- Some parents will need to grieve the dreams they had for you, before they see the new, more genuine life you are building for yourself.
- They may ask where they “went wrong” or if they did something “to cause this.” Assure them that they did nothing wrong.
- Some may call being GLBT a sin, or attempt to send their child to a counselor or therapist in the baseless hope that they can “change.”
- Some parents will already know you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender — or they might have an inkling. They may have been waiting for you to tell them, and find your doing so a relief.
- It may take time for a parent to absorb or come to terms with the information. Good or bad, their initial reaction may not reflect their feelings over the long term.
Remember that your parents grew up in a time when some of the stereotypes about GLBT people were more prevalent than they are today. Remember, too, that they’re probably trying to keep you safe from something they do not understand. Finally, keep in mind that this is big news, and there’s really no timetable for how long it takes parents to adjust.