Our Life Together
by Frank Benedetti and Gary Trowbridge (Winston-Salem, N. C. )
We are Frank Benedetti, 64, and Gary Trowbridge, 63, and we've been together for 39 years. Frank, who was born in the Bronx, was an officer in the U.S. Army and obtained the rank Captain before his enlistment was over. Gary, who was born in Kanappolis, N. C., and raised in Augusta, Ga., served four years in the U.S. Air Force, obtaining the rank of Airman Third Class before his enlistment was finished.
We met in Atlanta in the spring of 1964, after we each successfully completed our military tours of duty. Before we knew it, we were in love and we knew we'd never felt this way about anybody else nor did we want to feel this way about anybody else in our future. We had found our soul mate in one another. We officially sealed our commitment by signing a lease on our first apartment over July 4th weekend that same year. Independence Day is the day we celebrate our anniversary.
We made our home in Atlanta for almost 30 years. Picking jobs instead of careers to avoid transfers, Gary worked for the state of Georgia and Frank worked for First National Bank of Atlanta, soon to be Wachovia. Gary retired in 1991. When Frank was transferred to Winston-Salem in the fall of 1993, we relocated. Since then, Frank has retired too, but we've made quite a life here in Winston-Salem and have no desire to leave.
We do a lot of things that other American retirees do. We're devoted church-goers. We're taking a yoga class. We dote on our dog, Abigail. We spend a lot of time visiting family and friends. We mentor twin 14-year-olds who go to our church. We even visit other churches in the area to give sermons and talk about issues important to us, especially gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights.
But unlike other couples, we can't legally marry. Our commitment has been acknowledged in our local paper, the Winston-Salem Journal. But our commitment isn't acknowledged under law. What will happen to one of us if the other has an accident? Uncovered by Social Security benefits, we'll lose out on the contributions the other has made to Social Security his entire life. But our straight neighbors will be able to receive their spouses' Social Security survivor benefits. Retirement benefits are also treated differently under tax law, taxing us where spouses would be able to deal with the loss of a loved one without added financial worries.
We've served our country and we will continue to serve our community. But we also hope that one day soon our country realizes that it's only fair to treat our relationship with the same rights and protections that other relationships are afforded.