A Cautionary Tale
Mian Carvin
What follows is a cautionary tale for any couples who have children or are thinking about becoming parents. It is very important for you to take action to ensure that your child remains your child.
My partner and I were together for 12 years. We talked about having a child from the beginning of our relationship. After five years, we started the process. A friend was our sperm donor and we inseminated my partner at home. We were among the few lucky ones who conceived quite easily. Within three months, she was pregnant.
Although I am not the biological mom, I was our daughter's main parent and caregiver. Our bond is beyond blood. We were blissful. Our daughter was -- and remains -- the most wonderful child. We talked about my adoption choices. We agreed I would attempt to become a legal parent through second-parent adoption. As time went by, I didn't feel there was a rush. I was naive and complacent.
Years later, my partner and I split up. At first, all was amicable and we shared custody. But communication became less and less, and, after months of wrangling, my former partner declared I wasn't allowed to see my daughter anymore.
The anguish and grief are impossible to communicate. I hope no one ever has to experience such deep pain. If I had gone ahead and taken care of the adoption, my daughter would be in my life today.
Although I often felt incredulous over the idea of having to adopt my own child, don't let pride or ego get in your way. Adopt your child today, if you can. Do not wait. Your child is the most important person in your life. Take the necessary steps to keep him or her safe and in your life. That security will make a world of difference -- forever.
Sept. 16, 2002