Being Treated Like a Family
By Jeanalice & Jane
My partner of more than 23 years, Jane, and I are the blessed, and tired, adoptive parents of our 3-year-old son, Joel. We became his parents through an open adoption. Joel means "God is willing" and he was truly a miracle.
We had our file complete with the adoption agency for eight months when we were matched with his birthmother and brought him home from the hospital. We have also been blessed with support from our friends, church, families and community.
It is, however, terribly painful, disappointing, frustrating and angering that our state, Ohio, does not allow second-parent adoptions by same-sex parents. If ever "in the best interest of the child" was applicable, it's in such situations! Like others in our position, we have had to spend extra money for legal fees, health insurance and more in order to put into place additional documents, policies and forms to attempt to protect each of us (as parents) and our son's rights.
Of course, all of these measures don't protect our child with respect to Social Security benefits. Ohio is one of only a few states that do not recognize my partner's Declaration of Heir as allowing her "non-legal" son any benefit rights in the case of her death. We also can't count on inheritance rights, rights in the case of a wrongful death suit or even financial responsibility of both parents to the child.
Our family and our relationship are here to stay, even without the support that "traditional" heterosexual families take for granted. We will continue to live our lives openly, from church to daycare, from the doctor's office to preschool, from the grocery store to the zoo, from the restaurant to our home. And, we will continue to fight for our right to be treated financially, legally and respectfully as a family.
Sept. 16, 2002