Choosing a Known Donor
The first choice anyone considering donor insemination must make is do you want to become pregnant through a friend or acquaintance (that is, a "known donor") or through someone you find through a sperm bank (an "unknown donor"). Here is a brief overview of the advantages and risks involved in choosing a known donor followed by some of the precautions you should take if you pursue this path.
Advantage
Many women initially think, "Of course, I want the donor to be someone I know! Who wouldn't?" In addition to being less expensive than a sperm bank, a known donor offers these advantages, as Rachel Pepper wrote in The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians.
- You know what the donor looks like and acts like.
- As he or she grows up, your child can develop a relationship with the donor.
- The donor may be genetically linked to the non-biological mother, guaranteeing her some biological connection to the child.
Risks
But there are two very serious risks that may override the benefits of choosing a man you know. Namely:
- If a known donor later develops strong feelings for your child, you, or if you have a partner, she, could lose custody or have it curtailed; and
- The man you choose could be HIV-positive or have another serious transmittable disease that he might pass on to your child.
This is why so many experts recommend that women choose an unknown donor. While they pose their own disadvantages, they do protect you from the legal risks of a custody battle and greatly reduce the risk of your child's exposure to HIV and other viruses.
Precautions
But what if you have a strong desire to have a child with someone you know, despite the risks involved? Protect yourself and your child by:
- Asking your donor to go to a sperm bank, where his specimen can be quarantined and tested for HIV and other diseases; and
- Learning what experts recommend as the best tactics for protecting yourself legally. See Known Donor Agreement.