Selecting an Unknown Donor
If love is blind, selecting a donor is something else altogether. Since you cannot meet this person and respond to him intuitively, you are dealing with a situation in which you must evaluate certain objective facts about potential donors and determine which set of facts seem best to fit your needs and desires. This typically proceeds in three steps, as you:
• Review the "catalog" of donors;
• Request the "short profile" on donors that interest you;
• Order a "long profile" on donors that seriously interest you.
Some banks also provide additional background, through audiotaped interviews with the donor, photo-matching services and interviews with staff. (While costs vary, most banks provide the catalog of donors at no cost and charge a fee of $10 to $15 for a long profile. Audiotaped interviews might cost $25.) Each is briefly discussed below.
The "Catalog"
The first step in choosing a donor is to review the sperm bank's catalog of donors. Many banks have these catalogs on the web. Others require that you call and request one. All provide basically the same general information about their donors, including:
• Race/ethnicity (Irish, Cuban, Japanese, etc.)
• Skin: (dark, medium, fair, freckles, etc.)
• Hair: (black, curly and thick; straight blond, etc.)
• Eye color
• Height
• Weight
• Blood type
How do you choose? Lesbian couples often begin by trying to match the donor's characteristics with the nonbiological mother's so that the child will resemble both of them.
The "Short Profile"
After you identify those donors whose basic physical characteristics interest you, the next step is to gather more information by requesting what banks often call the short form of their donor profile. This information, which some banks also provide on the web, includes information such as:
• Date of birth
• Education
• Occupation
• Body type and physical characteristics, such as dimples, etc.
• Religion
• Family medical history
• Medical test results conducted in the sperm bank
• And the donor's answers to questions about his:
-- Skills (math, mechanical, athletic, artistic)
-- Languages spoken
-- Hobbies and talents
-- Personality
-- Goals and ambitions in life
-- Reasons for wanting to be a sperm donor
-- Message to those receiving his donation
The "Long Profile" and Comprehensive Medical History
After examining a short profile, you should have a reasonable idea of which donor interests you on more than a physical level. Then it's time to ask for a long profile, for which banks will usually charge you a moderate fee. This profile includes a comprehensive medical history and other important facts about the donor and his family, including:
• Details about the donor's diet, exercise, medications, average alcohol consumption, smoking history and so on;
• The physical characteristics, education, occupation, skills and personality of the donor, his parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents; and
• Detailed information about any medical problems the donor and his extended family members have faced.
For example, the California Cryobank Inc. provides a medical history over three generations about the following topics:
• Cardiovascular conditions, such as heart attacks, high blood pressure, etc.
• Blood conditions, such as anemia, leukemia, etc.
• Respiratory conditions, such as asthma, pneumonia, lung cancer, etc.
• Skin conditions, such as acne, skin cancer, etc.
• Gastrointestinal conditions, such as ulcers, colon cancer, hepatitis, etc.
• Urinary conditions, such as kidney disease, bladder disease, etc.
• Genital/reproductive conditions, such as breast or ovarian cancer, etc.
• Metabolic/endocrine conditions, such as diabetes, thyroid disease, etc.
• Neurological conditions, such as cerebral palsy, learning disorders, etc.
• Mental health conditions, such as schizophrenia, severe depression, etc.
• Muscle/bone/joint conditions, such as muscular dystrophy, osteoporosis, etc.
• Sight/sound/smell disorders, such as significant hearing loss, glaucoma, etc.
• Other conditions, such as alcoholism, drug abuse, etc.
Photo Matching, Audiotapes, Interviews with Staff
In addition to their extensive profiles, some sperm banks also offer these special services to help you choose a donor who is right for you:
Photo Matching
Like all couples, many lesbian couples dream that their baby will resemble both of them. As a result, many try to find a donor who resembles the non-biological mother. Some do this by simply choosing a donor with a similar ethnic background. Others go one step further and search for a donor who actually looks like her. To assist with this, banks such as the Sperm Bank of California offer a service where you can submit a photo of the person you are trying to match and ask them to select a donor who looks like him or her.
Audiotapes
Some banks, such as the California Cryobank, offer audiotaped interviews with the donor, which allow you to make your own observations about his personality, intelligence and affability.
Interviews with Staff
One couple, interviewed for Helping the Stork, shared this tip: "If you're sincere and creative, you can get through to the staff biologist or donor interviews to delve deeper. When you get these people going, you can squeak out other information, like a feeling about personality or a better indication on what the person looks like."
Once you decide upon a donor, you need to decide how many of his specimens you should reserve. This is a critical decision because you can never know how long it will take you to become pregnant. (Even at the peak of fertility, most women only have about a 25 percent chance of becoming pregnant during a single ovulation cycle.) Moreover, some women find that after having one child, they want to have a second using the same donor so the children can be full biological siblings. But the reality is that some donors are more popular than others and, so, more in demand. Banks also restrict availability to limit the number of pregnancies that might result from a single donor. Finally, donor insemination can become a costly procedure, when you add in the cost of the specimens, storage, shipment and doctors' visits. [See Fees] Talk to your doctor and sperm bank personnel to decide what would be reasonable for you.