Are There Any Agencies that Deal with Lesbian Couples for International Adoption?
Answered by Ellen Kahn of the HRC Family Project.
Q: Dear Ellen,
I’ve been searching the Internet for adoption agencies that accept applications from gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender couples for international adoption and I have been so far unsuccessful. I have become quite overwhelmed with the legal information about different requirements of many countries and I’m unsure where to turn. My partner and I have been together for just over four years and are just beginning to look into the adoption process.
Are there any agencies that deal with lesbian couples for international adoption? We would appreciate any help you can give us.
Thank you!
Emily
A: Dear Emily,
The landscape of international adoption by gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender families is quite complex. At this time, no country will knowingly allow placement of a child with a same-sex couple. And although not all countries have explicit laws prohibiting adoption by GLBT individuals, the majority of countries will not place children with single parents whom they know to be GLBT. Thus, when a same-sex couple pursues international adoption, they must identify one person who will be the “adopter,” and the entire process is based upon a single-parent adoption model.
Some couples can tolerate this process better than others. It typically requires the couple to misrepresent themselves to an adoption agency, a home study social worker, an attorney and other professionals involved in the adoption process. It also requires that just one member of the couple functions as the “adoptive parent,” which means that although both parents fully intend to raise a child together, only the adopting parent’s income, health insurance, family background, parenting capacities, etc. are part of the application and home study. If second-parent adoption is available where you live, you can pursue that legal process once you finalize the adoption from another country, hence granting both of you legal status as equal parents.
International adoption agencies have a range of different values, ethics and approaches when it comes to representing parents whom they know to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Some agencies are willing to engage in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach by representing a GLBT individual as a “straight single person” when in fact he or she is part of a same-sex couple who will raise a child together. Some agencies are willing to take greater risks than others. Some risks could even result in an agency losing its license to operate in a particular country. The risk level may depend on the specific relationship the agency has with other countries, in which parts of the countries it operates and whether the agency feels it can keep its clients’ sexual orientation and/or gender identity under the radar.
It is important to keep in mind that even the most GLBT-affirming, experienced and competent adoption agencies may choose to provide only domestic adoption services to GLBT clients because they are not willing to break the laws or disregard the cultural norms of other countries. If an agency takes this position, it typically does not have anything to do with the agency’s values on GLBT adoptive parents, but rather its commitment to follow the laws of international adoption. Many agencies do outstanding work with GLBT adoptive families who are involved in domestic adoption, but will not knowingly represent a GLBT person or couple in an international adoption.
If you are determined to adopt internationally you can probably find an agency who will agree to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach, or you may decide to present yourself to an agency from the beginning as a “straight single person.” It is important, however, to understand that being dishonest in the adoption process can have significant emotional ramifications. Leading experts in adoption practice, gay and straight, agree that the principle of complete transparency and disclosure is an essential one for adoptive families.
It might be helpful to explore the reasons behind your decision to pursue an international adoption:
- Is there a particular country you feel a connection to?
- Do you believe that adopting from another country will increase the chances that you will be able to adopt an infant or very young child?
- Do you believe that children adopted from another country will be healthier or less likely to have been exposed to drugs or alcohol or past abuse or neglect?
- Do you feel that international adoption provides some certainty that a child’s birth parent will not challenge your parental status?
- Do you feel that by adopting internationally you will not have to wait as long as you might if you adopted within the United States?
It is important to fully explore your impetus for international adoption and to fully understand the particular challenges and legal complexities that are inescapable if you do pursue international adoption. There are thousands of children in the United States waiting for permanent families, and there are opportunities for infant adoption within the United States. A good agency with a proven track record of working effectively and fairly with GLBT adoptive parents can help you explore all of your options, answer your questions and help you make the best possible decisions for your family. At the Human Rights Campaign, we always recommend that you get as much information as possible from adoption professionals and from a variety of experienced adoptive parents.
It is also very important that you contact an attorney who practices family law in your state for individual counsel in making these decisions. Our database of attorney referral services is a good place to start.