Do You Have Any Tips For Individuals Trying to Conceive Though Donor Insemination?
Answered by Carol Frost Vercollone, author of Helping the Stork (Hungry Minds, Inc., 1997) and a social worker specializing in donor insemination, infertility and adoption counseling. Nov. 1, 2000.
Waiting for donor insemination to work
Q: Dear Carol,
My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant through donor insemination, and we are having a difficult time. It's hard enough to be gay and try for children through insemination but when you're gay and experiencing fertility problems, it is even more trying. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, what are some ways to make things easier? This is our fifth month trying and would have been our second insemination had things worked out. Can you offer any resources or advice?
Sincerely,
Swan
A: Dear Swan,
It sounds like five months ago you decided to start trying to get pregnant but have only gotten to insemination once. That's very tough emotionally, but it may not be that bad a sign medically. Donor insemination (DI) can be delayed by some very treatable glitches. For example, it's sadly common for medical practitioners to miss a woman's ovulation, and it's not uncommon for a woman to skip ovulating. But these are very fixable problems.
What you two might be hitting right away is the sadness and frustration of needing extra medical help while trying to get pregnant. Did you expect DI to go easily, or were you already worried because of your age or medical problems in the past? It's tough paying for tests, and insurance companies have always been reluctant to help pay for fertility help. But you're also right that it's tough to face homophobia, too. If you can find a medical team that believes two-mom families are great, that will ease the pain a bit.
Still, even the most traditional heterosexual couples have to be assertive and make tough decisions about how much intervention they can pay for, and stand. The best hope is that medications, like clomiphene, will help you get to ovulation and insemination. Clomiphene, which is available in an affordable pill form, is used to help induce and regulate the timing of ovulation.
If you are incredibly lucky, you live in my state, Massachusetts, where insurance companies are mandated (by a law consumers worked for!) to pay for fertility treatment. This means that if you have a diagnosed medical problem, like difficulty ovulating, you would qualify for insurance coverage for any medical help in treating the problem. If you are paying out of pocket, of course, decisions are tougher.
For more information about medical options when trying to get pregnant through donor insemination, you might look at my book, Helping the Stork (Hungry Minds, 1997.) Rachel Pepper's book, The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians (Cleis Press, 1999) also is a great resource, as is April Martin's Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook (Harper Perennial, 1993.)
If you'd like me to refer you to folks in your area who help with fertility options, you can email me directly at cfverc@world.std.com.
Hoping your next cycle brings great news,
Carol Frost Vercollone
Vercollone is the author of Helping the Stork (Hungry Minds, Inc., 1997) and a social worker specializing in donor insemination, infertility and adoption counseling.
Nov. 1, 2000