Equal Treatment Needed
By Denise LettieriMy partner and I, of 10 years, are eagerly anticipating the birth of our first child (a son) on Dec. 2, 2002.
As most parents, we have the usual worries. First and foremost, we hope he will be healthy and happy. We have planned long and hard to bring him into the world. We are not the types of people who make uneducated or rash decisions. We waited to conceive until we were both confident and secure in our careers. We wanted to be financially secure before we took on the enormous responsibility of caring for a little person. We own our own home in good community with a good school system. We are very active in our community. She is a dedicated state employee and, in addition to my work, I volunteer with the local fire department and ambulance corp.
On the surface we have the perfect life. And the time is exactly right for us to extend our family.
Unlike every heterosexual family with similar circumstances, we have had additional obstacles to overcome before we could even dream of having a child. We had extensive out-of-pocket medical expenses. Mother Nature needed a little medical help in order for us to achieve our goal. Not that we minded -- we planned and saved for the expenses. However there are other expenses that we have to incur that are entirely unfair. My partner and I are trying to put together the money for a second-parent adoption so we will both have equal rights and custody pertaining to our child.
It is very difficult when the federal or state government to which we both contribute does not recognize our union. We pay our taxes, abide by the law, and contribute to society. However, we are second-class citizens and can not marry.
There have been numerous purchases we have had to put off for our son's nursery, and saving for his education will get a late start because we have to spend money to protect ourselves legally.
If same-sex marriages were legal, we would not have to worry that one of us would not be able to pick up our son from school if he is sick or that one of us could not sign for medical treatment without adoption papers in hand. We have to worry that we do not automatically inherit each other's property, which we have obtained together. The list of injustices goes on and on. We do not want special treatment, just equal treatment.
My wife used to work with underprivileged children that were taken from their homes and put into protective custody. Many of these children would have been ecstatic to have a family of their own. A family where they would be safe, loved and cared for.
There are so many children like this in the country. It angers me to think of the adoption laws in states like Florida where people who would make ideal parents are excluded from the adoption pool because of their sexual orientation. Are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender families any less capable of loving a child than heterosexual families? The children my wife used to work with came from parents who did not want them, parents who abused them or who had addictions they loved more than their children. Did being heterosexual make those parents any more capable of childbearing than GLBT families that are secure and stable and have open hearts?
Sept. 16, 2002