Adopting Through an Agency
Step 1: Decide on a Public or Private Agency
Public Adoption Agencies
As part of your state's social service department, public adoption agencies typically only work with adults interested in adopting older children, siblings or children with physical or psychological needs.
Most of these children were abused, neglected or abandoned by their birth parents, according to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse. As a result, they have more physical and emotional difficulties than many other children.
Adoption fees through a public adoption agency, while certainly not a leading consideration for most people moved to adopt children with special needs, are significantly lower than those charged elsewhere since these programs are funded through federal and state taxes.
Private Adoption Agencies
Supported through private funds, these agencies handle both domestic and international adoptions. They are more likely to place infants than public adoption agencies are. They also are more expensive than public agencies. Fees range from $5,000 to more than $30,000, in contrast to fees at public agencies, which may be waived entirely or go up to a maximum of approximately $2,500, according to the NAIC.
Step 2: Select an Agency
For Public Adoptions
To find the public adoption agency in your area, go to the National Adoption & Foster Care Directory. Enter your state and check the "Public Foster Care and Adoption Agencies" box. This site will provide you with the contact information for local public adoption agencies throughout your state.
For Private Adoptions
- First, look for a gay- or lesbian-friendly private adoption agency that is licensed to place children in your state.
- Second, check with a lesbian and gay parenting group near you. To find one in your area, check with the Family Equality Coalition.
- Finally, if you wish to broaden your search to all the private adoption agencies that are licensed in your state, go to the National Adoption & Foster Care Directory. Enter your state and check the "Private Foster Care & Adoption Agencies" box.
Before you get too involved in one agency, however, it is always smart to assure yourself that there have not been any complaints filed against the agency. To find out if there have been, call your local state attorney general's office and your state adoption specialist: the state Department of Social Services employee who is the key contact on questions about adoption and adoption agencies. Go to the Child Welfare Information Gateway's list of state adoption specialists for contact information.
Step 3: Attend the Agency's Orientation
Many agencies invite prospective parents to an orientation meeting. These meetings are designed to give you an opportunity to:
- Learn about the adoption process
- Examine your feelings about adoption and determine if it is right for you
- Find out what types of children are available through the agency
- Understand the unique challenges and rewards of adoptive parenting
- Obtain application materials.
Step 4: Complete the Application and "Home Study"
Once you apply for adoption, you are required to go through a "home study." Required by law in all 50 states and the District of Columbia, the home study is a three- to six-month process that results in a written evaluation of you as a prospective parent. To prepare this report, a social worker will meet with you on several occasions, including at least once in your home.
Here is the information a social worker will typically look for, according to the NAIC:
- Personal and family background
- Significant people in your life
- Marriage and family relationships
- Your motivation to adopt
- Your expectations for the child
- Your preparation for parenting and integrating your child into your life
- Your family environment
- Your medical history
- Your education, employment and finances, including insurance coverage and child care plans, if required
- References and criminal background clearances.
Unique Considerations for Gay and Lesbian Applicants
While a nerve-wracking experience for any prospective parent, the home study also involves some unique considerations for prospective gay and lesbian parents, namely:
- Should you come out?
- If you are in a relationship, should you say so?
Here is a word of advice: Never lie. You may not want or need to volunteer information about your sexual orientation. Some social workers will even tell you that they do not consider it relevant and do not want to know.
But if you lie and it is later found out, you could be stripped of custody even if the child has been living with you for six months, a year or more. The reason: Judges have different opinions about whether gay and lesbian people should be permitted to adopt, but they all agree that telling a lie in the adoption process is a serious sign of irresponsibility. While revealing your sexual orientation to a direct question may put you at risk of being denied the opportunity to adopt in some states, lying about your sexual orientation puts you at permanent risk in any state or county of being separated from a child you have taken in as your own.
How a Social Worker Might Address Your Sexual Orientation
While the Child Welfare League of America, the North American Council on Adoptable Children and the American Psychological all advocate that sexual orientation not be a barrier to adoption, individual social workers' training and approach to addressing sexual orientation may vary.
Here is what you might expect from a social worker during the home study, according to the Adoption Resource Exchange for Single Parents Inc., a nonprofit organization that advocates for the right of prospective parents to adopt, regardless of age, sex, race or ethnicity, creed, marital status or sexual orientation.
Single Applicants
"When single people adopt, often their sexual orientation is not known, or it seems less important... If the applicant tells the [social] worker he or she is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, the worker may discuss with the applicant whether he or she wishes to have this information included in the home study. & Some applicants feel more comfortable having this information included in the home study so... the applicant knows that anyone who approaches him/her with a possible match is aware of the situation."
"Other workers and applicants may feel that sexual orientation is private information, and that as a single person it has no relevance to the applicant's ability to parent a child. Some workers routinely advise gay or lesbian single people that they will not include this information in the home study because it is irrelevant. Workers who consider themselves 'allies' for non-traditional applicants in more conservative agencies or states may decide that not mentioning a single LGBT's person sexual orientation is not only valid, it will remove the barrier of homophobia that could delay or deny appropriate placements."
Couples
The home study for a gay or lesbian couple might be written in several ways, including:
- As a single person with a roommate: "Until recently, most home studies of same-gender couples were written using this format. One partner is described as a single parent, and the entire home study focuses on this person alone. & the other partner is listed as a roommate, and criminal clearances are obtained. No or very little other information about the relationship is mentioned, though often a sentence is included saying that this 'roommate' is supportive of the other roommate's plans to adopt."
- As a single parent with a domestic partner: "Some social workers choose this approach because of laws or policies that require same-gender couples to adopt as single people, or because other social workers in their agency or part of the country are more comfortable with this format. The home study is written primarily about one partner, focusing on that person's social history and interest in adoption, and listing his/her name alone as the adoptive parent. The second partner is included in the home study process and is described in the home study as a domestic partner/friend. The length of their relationship is described, and the home study explains that both partners will consider themselves parents of the child to be adopted."
- As a two-parent family: "Increasing numbers of social workers are writing the home studies of gay and lesbian couples the same way they write the home studies of heterosexual couples. Both people's names are listed as the adoptive parents, and both receive an equal amount of attention within the home study."
Source: "Writing Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trangender Homestudies for Special Needs Adoption" by the Adoption Resource Exchange for Single Parents Inc.
Step 5: Go to Court
After a home study is completed, you might have to wait anywhere from six months to a few years for a child to be placed with you. But even then, you won't quite be done yet. Adoption is a legal procedure, and a judge must approve you as a parent. So while a lawyer is not essential, hiring one tends to be highly practical, especially for prospective gay and lesbian parents.
"A judge will be reassured by the presence of a lawyer, and probably disturbed by the absence, and this is not the time to make a procedure error," attorney Hayden Curry and others write in A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples: "To utter the obvious, a lesbian or gay man adopting a child wants the judge to be as acquiescent as possible. Also, a lawyer with good local connections who has handled gay and lesbian legal issues before will know the ropes to get a good social worker or to disqualify a hostile judge."