How to Safeguard Your Relationship to Your Child
Although it is difficult to think about the possibility of separating from your partner, the fact remains that many relationships do end, and the law often fails to accommodate the needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender families in times of crisis. This is why it is critical to think about the possibility of a break-up or death now and take the necessary steps to protect your relationship with your child should a crisis occur.
The importance of Becoming a Legal Parent
Some children have one legal parent, some have two and, as in a recent Alaska case, some have three. But in lesbian and gay couples, it is often the case that there is only one legal parent even though two people may equally parent the child and think of themselves as co-parents. This is because the status as a legal parent is automatically conveyed to the parent who has a biological connection to a child, such as a biological mom or biological dad. Similarly, while some couples raise an adopted child together, only one of them may have officially become the adoptive parent because some agencies prohibit lesbian and gay couples from adopting together but permit a gay or lesbian individual to do so.
De Facto Parenthood
In recent developments, some states have recognized a legal status known as a "de facto" parent - that is, a person who deserves certain privileges, such as visitation, because he or she has assumed the role of a parent on a daily basis and providing the child with physical and psychological care and affection. While the conditions of de facto parenthood status vary, often courts will consider factors such as:
• Has the person has formed a parent/child bond?
• Has the person provided parental care to the child?
• Does the biological parent treat the person as a co-parent?
Second-Parent Adoption
While an encouraging development, de facto parenthood is not something you should rely upon if you lack either a biological or adoptive relationship to your child. The safest thing to do is seek a second-parent adoption, if that is available. If second-parent adoption is not available where you live, then the next best option is to complete written agreements such as a co-parenting agreement. For more information, read What to do if Second-Parent Adoption is Unavailable.