What to Do if Custody is Threatened
If you are faced with a heterosexual "ex" who insists that he or she will block you from seeing your child because you are gay or lesbian, the good news is that some judges will refuse to allow it. The bad news, of course, is that some judges will. In either case, you should seek the counsel of an attorney as soon as you possible - preferably, before taking any other action.
If you are faced with a gay or lesbian ex who threatens to block you from seeing your child because you are not a legal parent, you also should immediately seek the counsel of an attorney. You and your former partner also may want to consider discussing the following guidelines offered by the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) from a publication entitled "Protecting Families: Standards for Child Custody in Same-Sex Relationships:"
GLAD's "Guidelines for Protecting Families"
1. Be honest about existing relationships regardless of legal labels.
2. Consider the dispute from the perspective of the child or children.
3. Try to reach a voluntary resolution.
4. Try to maintain continuity for the child.
5. Remember that breaking up is hard to do.
6. Seriously investigate allegations of abuse in determining what is best for the child.
7. Honor your agreements
8. The absence of legal documents does not determine the outcome.
9. Treat litigation as a last resort.
10. Treat homophobic law and sentiments as off-limits.