How to Help if an Attack Occurs
Preparing your child to deal with prejudice when it is still an abstract concept is one thing. Helping your child cope when he or she has heard anti-gay sentiments, or witnessed or been involved in an anti-gay attack, is another story. In the event an incident occurs, here's what to do:
Stay Aware, Ask Questions
Your child may not feel comfortable bringing up difficulties he or she is having at school, in part, because he or she may not want to hurt you by revealing what classmates are saying about gay and lesbian people. This makes it all the more important that you stay alert for changes in attitude or behavior that may signal something is wrong. Among the clues to pay attention to:
- Is your child less enthusiastic about going to school?
- Does he or she come home earlier?
- Has he or she stopped talking about a good friend?
If you notice this kind of behavior, ask why it is happening. You may be told "no reason." But be persistent. Your questions will give your child permission to talk about something that may seem very scary.
Offer Love and Support
Once your child tells you about negative incidents that have occurred at school, the most important thing you can provide is your love and support, says Casper.
"The first thing is to let them know you're there for them 100 percent, and that they have done nothing wrong," says Casper. "Give them a chance to talk about how they feel about what's going on, and then talk through what you're going to do about it."
Develop a Plan of Action
Deciding what to do depends, in large part, on the age of your child. "Children under eight years old have a harder time advocating for themselves than older children do," says Casper. They will depend upon you to talk to their teacher or principal or take some other appropriate action.
But children in middle school and junior high school may resist the idea of your taking any action because they may fear being made fun of by their peers. This means you need to work with them, not simply on their behalf.
"With older kids, you can take the approach that, We' re going to figure out together how best to handle this, and then talk with them until you come up with steps, for you and for them, that they feel comfortable with," says Casper.
Follow Through
Once you decide on a course of action, make sure you follow through on what you've said you will do. Then:
- Let your child know the outcome
- Ask if things have changed at school
- Give your child the space to keep talking about any feelings he or she has about what happened
