How Do I Reconcile My Christian Ethics with My Son's Homosexuality?
Answered by Jimmy Creech, former United Methodist pastor for nearly 30 years at the center of the controversy around the blessing of gay and lesbian unions in the church. Nov. 13, 2001
Christian ethics and homosexuality
Q: Dear Mr. Creech,
Let me begin by saying that I am not a homophobe and have no hate or hostility toward gay people. But my 22-year-old son just informed me that he is gay, and this goes against all that I was raised to believe and, indeed, continue to believe.
There are those who believe that a new modernity demands a new morality. What they fail to consider is the harsh reality that there is no such thing as a new morality. There is only one morality. All else is immorality. There are only true Christian ethics, and if we are to fulfill our great destiny as a people, then we must return to the old morality, the sole morality.
I am trying to better understand the position of those who are gay and believe that being gay is moral. I am too near the tree to see the forest at this time to discuss this with my son. That is why I am asking for your input.
Sincerely,
Tony
A: Dear Tony,
Thanks for your letter raising the question about a so-called new morality. I understand why you want to hold on to what you believe to be the "true Christian ethics." Of course, there are religions other than the Christian one, each with its own set of ethics. But you've raised the question about Christian ethics, and since I, too, am Christian, I'll respond out of the religious tradition that you and I share.
My hunch is that you've lived your life by what you believe to be Christian ethics and that you want your son to live by them, too. As a parent, I understand how you feel. But, I don't think there is a conflict between true Christian ethics and being gay because true Christian ethics follow the guidelines of respect, love and justice. Those of us who are Christian believe these are the standards God expects us to live by and the ones by which Jesus lived.
Since the very beginning of the Christian church, there have been differences of opinion about what are Christian ethics -- about what is right and wrong behavior for a Christian. And what the Christian church has taught over the centuries regarding this has changed constantly in every generation. In the early days, some of the great church leaders said that all sexual behavior was sinful. Celibacy was superior to marriage. Some believed virginity or chastity was required for salvation. Also, the church taught that women were spiritually inferior to men, slavery was acceptable and a man could not be a Christian if he were a soldier.
All of this has changed. But it changed not because some people didn't like these teachings and wanted to rebel or just wanted their own way. It changed because the Christian church has been constantly asking the questions: "What behavior respects the dignity of others and what does not?" "What behavior is loving and what is not?" and "What behavior is just and what is not?" These questions keep coming up in every generation because our experience and understanding of what it means to be human and live together in community continues to broaden and deepen. Unlike the teachings of the early church, today the church teaches that sexuality is a gift from God. It is not sinful in and of itself. Today, the church teaches that women and men are equal, that slavery is immoral and that a faithful Christian can make a conscientious choice either to serve or not to serve in the military. All of these changes are the result of applying the standards of respect, love and justice to the ways we treat one another.
Most of the Christian churches today struggle to understand and accept gay intimate loving relationships. The fact that there is a struggle indicates that many Christians are now applying the standards of respect, love and justice to their deeper and better understanding of the diversity of human sexuality and that the full acceptance of gay people is coming.
Being gay, lesbian or bisexual is about being attracted to and sometimes falling in love with someone of your own gender. From a Christian point of view, the standards of respect, love and justice apply to how gay people treat one another in intimate relationships just as much as it does to how non-gay people treat one another. A sex act between two people is judged not by the act itself or by the gender of the people involved, but by these standards. Sex is no more or less moral because it is non-gay or gay. It is more or less moral measured by the standards of respect, love and justice, regardless of whether it is gay or non-gay sex.
Your son deserves to be treated with respect, love and justice because he is a human being. To do so, I believe, is Christian. He should not be treated with disrespect, contempt and prejudice because he is gay. To do so, I believe, is unchristian.
I know you are struggling and I know it's hard for you. I pray God's blessing upon you and your son, hoping that together you can have a respectful and loving relationship that is fair to you both.
Peace,
Jimmy Creech
Creech was a United Methodist pastor for nearly 30 years and has been at the center of the controversy around the blessing of gay and lesbian unions in the church. Creech also wrote the foreword to "Mixed Blessings," a Human Rights Campaign Foundation report about organized religion and gay and lesbian Americans. Nov. 13, 2001
