Families and Friends of Transgender People
Although family and friends don't always understand transgender issues immediately, families are increasingly accepting their transgender relatives. In the same way that most transgender people have to go through a process of learning and educating themselves, it is also helpful to offer similar resources to family and friends. Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, their families and friends. The group has chapters nationwide and also offers the guide "Our Trans Children."
Although she's never sat down to discuss being transgender with her family, Jessie Gilliam is almost always perceived by others as a male when they are together. "When that happens, it hurts them," she said. "But I've explained to them that I'm more concerned with the fact that strangers treat me with respect than with what gender category they put me in. And that makes a lot of sense to them."
Mara Keisling, a male-to-female transsexual who lives in Pennsylvania, came out to her family upon transitioning. "I have been lucky to have a very accepting family," said Keisling, who has a supportive son and other family members. "I was careful to respect and address my family's concerns."
But legal rights for transgender spouses and parents are often unclear. Transgender people can often be legally married within a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, depending on whether their state recognizes their sex after transitioning. However, "the legal validity of marriages involving a transgender spouse is not yet firmly established in the great majority of states," says Shannon Minter, legal director for the National Center of Lesbian Rights. For more information, read Transgender People and Marriage: The Importance of Legal Planning.
In addition, transgender people are sometimes denied parental rights, contrary to scientific research and professional advice that says transgender people are just as good as their non-transgender peers at parenting. Research collected on transgender parents show that there is no evidence that a parent's gender identity affects the gender identity of their children, according to The International Journal of Transgenderism (October 1998). The American Psychological Association also has declared that gender identity is not a good determinant of good parenting. The APA policy states in part, "the sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation of natural or prospective adoptive or foster parents should not be the sole or primary variable considered in custody or placement cases."
Still, a transgender person may be met with prejudice by adoption agencies, child welfare workers or judges. "It doesn't make any sense that despite the fact that I have successfully been a parent to a child who was not my birth child, I would probably not be able to adopt a child," said Keisling. "Angry, bitter or devious co-parents sometimes shamelessly try to paint transgender people as mental health risks, or even as perverts, with no proof other than that they are transgender. Family court judges all too often fall for it."
For more information about adoption and transgender people, read Can transgender people adopt?. Transgender people seeking parental rights should always consult with a lawyer in their area familiar with transgender law.