Coming Out as Transgender: A Lifelong Journey
From birth, most of us have been taught to think of ourselves as the gender that corresponds with our biological sex. Society strongly discourages us from identifying more with another gender. As a result, many of us are surprised and confused when it happens.
The process of coming out as transgender begins as you learn more about your true self and become comfortable with your own gender identity. It can be a confusing and frustrating time because there’s a lot of pressure from society, culture and family to adhere to traditional definitions of gender. Being transgender, however, is merely a way to express who you are, and the challenge is to accept this part of yourself.
For those who are transgender, coming out means acknowledging their gender identity — the internal sense of being male or female — and then determining how to express that identity. Transgender people must also decide when and how to share with others the way they understand their gender.
“There is no one way to be transgendered,” says Jamison Green, female-to-male transsexual activist and author. “Some of us just want to alleviate our body and gender misalignment and experience life as ‘ordinary’ men and women.”
Some transgender people know from an early age that they cannot live as the sex they were assigned at birth and find ways to express their conflicting gender identity. Many others, however, struggle to adhere to expected gender roles well into their adult and sometimes senior years. Whenever or however a person comes out, it is important to remember that gender can vary and many people don't fit neatly into one narrow definition.
Figuring out who you are can be very difficult — and it can take time. Remember, however, that most of the negative stereotypes of transgender people you may have heard are based on erroneous or inadequate information. And what you need are facts.
Whether or not they identify as transgender, many gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight people transgress traditional gender roles. A straight female with short hair who is often called “sir,” a boyish-looking lesbian whose presence in the women’s restroom is questioned, a gay teen who is scolded for “not acting like a man” — all face bias due to preconceived notions of gender. But the more people see how gender varies, the more people will embrace both their transgender brothers and sisters and the laws that treat them equally.
Because of societal restraints, being out as transgender is not always easy, but it’s also the only way to educate others about gender identity and expression. Facing possible rejection and even violence, transgender people must continue coming out to friends, family, co-workers and community members so that they can, in turn, become more accepting and supportive.