How Can I Meet Other Lesbian and Gay Parents?
Answered by Ray Drew, executive director of the Family Pride Coalition. Nov. 2, 2000
Q: Dear Ray,
My girlfriend and I are raising my wonderful 8-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. This is the first year that we are aware of comments being made about her - such as, "She's different" - and comments being made to other parents such as, "I couldn't let my child play at their house." Although we don't think that she is aware of these comments, they are very hurtful and it makes me want to strangle the parents.
We live in a relatively small town in Texas and are neither really in or out. My employees know my partner but other than one other straight family that lived across the street and just moved to another state, we have no other support here and I have an irrational fear that my daughter will never have close friends because I am a lesbian.
How do we meet other gay and lesbian families in our area? There is an area of Dallas (about 30 minutes away) that has a large gay community but they are generally childless from what we have seen and we are not into partying. I would love to meet some people who know our school district and have similar issues. Also, I would like someone objective to please tell me that not everyone, or even most people, will reject my sweet little girl because of my sexuality.
Thank you,
Erika
A: Dear Erika,
Many parents around the country are closeted and find that when their children begin to come of age in school, they are faced with many new challenges. Usually the biggest fear is that their child will be harmed or rejected if other community members find out about the orientation of the parents. To be sure, this is a hard time for the entire family but you are not alone.
The Family Pride Coalition has a list of 200 lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender parenting groups across the country and around the world. These groups are almost all volunteer-run and grassroots-based. In fact, there is a wonderful gay parenting group in Dallas. You can contact them at: Family Pride Coalition DWF, c/o Gay & Lesbian Community Center, P.O. Box 190869, Dallas, Texas 75367-0069. Phone: (214) 521-5342 (ext. 808). Email: glpcidfw@aol.com. We also can help you start a group in your neighborhood!
In addition, there is a national organization called Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) that is devoted to the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents. Connecting with them will really help you build a community and show your daughter other families like hers. You can find out more from COLAGE.
Another good idea is to find a welcoming religious community, such as the Metropolitan Community Church or the Unitarian Universalists. You also may want to check out the local chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).
Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transegndered parents are making incredible strides every day in changing attitudes about our families. We wish you the best of luck; and if we can be of further assistance, please let us know.
Sincerely,
Ray Drew
Drew is Executive Director of the Family Pride Coalition
Nov. 2, 2000