Transitioning in My Synagogue
When I approached my rabbi to announce my upcoming gender transition, I was fully prepared. I had photocopies of relevant Torah and Talmud, writings on Jewish medical ethics from as early as the '60s, and the responsa of an Israeli rabbi whose work on this issue was considered the gold standard by most other Jewish religious leaders.Let me remind people that there are basically four major denominations within Judaism – Conservative, Reform, Orthodox and Reconstructionist. The Reform and Reconstructionist movements not only accept gender transition but have welcomed trans members for years. The conservative movement, to which I currently belong, had not at the time issued its determination on the subject with respect to Jewish law (halacha). But most fascinating, the Orthodox community’s leading disquisition on this subject was in support of gender transition and I had known this for decades. It gave me great hope (once I could overcome all the other obstacles!).
So I sat down with my rabbi and presented my case. Since this was before my transition, he could not look at me and respond in any way to my future presentation; there were no physical cues to speak of. He couldn’t think of any problems, because other than the lack of an official Conservative movement response, there were no legal problems (The default for a Conservative rabbi would be to accept the more stringent reading of Jewish law as promulgated by the orthodox over the ages). I’m sure he was curious as to how this was going to turn out over the next few months, but I was relieved. I appreciated his support and continued to come out to a number of well-placed members of my congregation before I left for surgery.
By the time I returned to synagogue two months later everyone had been expecting the new me and the transition went well. I read the Torah as I often do, and my favorite comment afterwards was, “As long as you keep reading Torah, I don’t care what you look like.” As in most social groups, some were immediately supportive and kissed me, others friendly from the distance of a handshake, still others kept their distance and warmed up over the next few months. This was a first for almost all of them, and I’d like to think it was not an exemplary congregational response but one which plays out in other synagogues these days across the country. And for those where the issue might be more troublesome, particularly in Orthodox synagogues (in spite of the Orthodox legal responses), I hope my transition sets a positive example of what can be accomplished. I know it has for one friend from Toronto, who was the first orthodox trans woman to transition in place in an orthodox community. It hasn’t been easy, but she’s still there and getting married this summer. Her story was covered by the Jewish Telegraph Agency (JTA) and reprinted in The Jerusalem Post.