Finding New Hope in the Gospel
Thank you so much for your wonderful resource of "Out in Scripture." I've been out and happy with my self now for 15 months... and they have been the best 15 months of my life! The church typically weighed me down and would not let me accept myself. Here is a little more about my journey to self acceptance:
In 2004, I had the opportunity to attend the United Methodist Student Movement Conference in Little Rock, Arkansas. The hot topic of the conference dealt with whether the Methodist Church should include gays and lesbians in the life of the church. Myself along with a handful of other students from my Wesley Foundation strongly opposed anything that said the gays and lesbians are welcome or accepted. We were sticking to our "Morals" and holding our ground because we didn't want the church to succumb to the "gay agenda" that was rampantly affecting our world. My team of conservative moral enforcers held tightly to the fact that homosexuality is a choice.
On the last day of the conference, my group was enraged over the reconciling actions of the ministers performing our closing service. They did this while wearing rainbow colored stoles!!! On the outside, I was furious that the church I loved was losing its moral structure by pushing for full inclusion of gays.
On the inside I was battling my own feelings of hate towards myself for having homosexual tendencies. After that conference, I spent nearly 3 years in ex-gay programs and counseling that sought to change me… It didn't work and I grew extremely depressed and unstable. Suicide became a real option to help me end my state of misery last February. I continued to believe that a life as a gay man would be worse of a disgrace on me and my family than the action of taking my own life.
It was then, thankfully, that I completely surrendered my life to Christ and trusted that he would bring something good out of my situation. After a season of letting go and trusting that God wanted the best for me, I started to have compassion for those around me who were also homosexual. I shared my heart with my Wesley Pastor telling him my dilemma. He then hugged me and said that God loved me just as I am.
My pastor then introduced me to your "Out in Scripture" program. From then on, the OIS program started to peel back layers of self doubt and negativity that I felt towards our Lord. With the help of my pastor, we started getting a group of gay men together once a week to go over the OIS commentary. This has been one the most beneficial things in my life and continues to help me grow towards wholeness.
Your team of religious leaders continue to shape and move me as I learn about myself. God has truly been at work in reconciling us as gay Christians. I see the gospel alive and real in the actions of those who push for inclusion. Praise God for all that he has done and we can continue to hope for amazing things to come!