A Plea for Equal Consideration
My partner and I are a gay couple living in Greenville, SC. After having discussed adoption for several years, we decided last year to begin the process through the State's Department of Social Services. We began In May and we're very happy to have been approved to adopt last September...or should we say that one of us has been approved.
Despite the fact that both of us were required to complete all paperwork and complete all training, only one of us is permitted to be the adoptive parent. It was explained that the reason for both of us being required to apply and train was because we both live in the house, we both have to go through the same process. We were also told by our case worker that South Carolina does not permit joint or two parent adoption for same-sex couples.* Since we both want to adopt we had no problem going through the process of approval, which was not especially difficult.
Once approved in September, we began the long and fruitless (no pun intended) process of looking for a child. The only resource given to us by our case worker was the website of a national agency. We have made dozens of inquiries on children in numerous states.
After five months of searching and all of the inquiries made, we have not been "invited" to meet any children. Not one! What's worse is that out of the dozens of inquiries made, we have only received a response from two case workers. One case worker was from Nebraska and she was very nice and even stated that she disagreed with the policy but Nebraska law did not permit unmarried couples to adopt.* The only other case worker we've heard from was from here in Greenville and she spoke with us by phone once for about 5 minutes to explain that the child in question was being considered by two other families "...both with a mother and a father, which is the preferred placement."
When we were first approved our case worker told us to "go ahead and inquire away including other states" and she gave us a short list of "gay friendly" states for same-sex couples to consider from the website. Our case worker has never given us any other resource to use for the search of our child. We've attempted to contact other organizations in other states (SC resources for gays are VERY limited) but apparently if you don't live in their state, it's very difficult to receive equal consideration. NOT a complaint, just sharing an observation.
Before the assumption is made that the problem is that we live in South Carolina, let us explain that we have made numerous attempts in several states and all to no avail. We have left many voicemails and sent even more emails to more case workers than we can recall. Other than the two mentioned above, not one of the other case workers has ever provided us with a response of any kind. We know their case volumes are very high but it only takes a few seconds to click in email on "reply" and give some kind of response.
Recently, we contacted HRC regarding our experience. After nearly a year since we first applied to be approved, we were provided more information in one email from HRC than we ever received from SC DSS.
We are stunned, disappointed and saddened by the fact that there are so many children out there that need a good home. Too many of these kids are stuck with case workers who apparently do not have the time nor the concern to do the job for which they are paid.
In all fairness, we know there are many great case workers out there who do care and do take pride in their jobs and we thank them for their efforts. We've just not been fortunate enough to locate any of them. How do the other case workers expect these children to get adopted if they won't return phone calls or reply to emails?
We have a lot to offer as parents starting with more love than any child could ever hope to find. We agreed when we were approved last September that we'd give it at least a year before we gave up on the search for our child. We were told in the beginning to consider older children because, in essence, we wouldn't be able to compete with those adoptive families with a mother and a father, again being the "preferred placement". If it were true that a family with a mother and a father automatically is a better family than why did so many of these children come from families with mothers and fathers?
We're not ready to give up just yet but at this point we think the probability of being parents is about as likely as winning the lottery. We hope we're proven wrong but it's very difficult to hold the faith when we walk by the empty room that would be our child's day after day, week after week and month after month. Still, we hope that at least one case worker out there will hear our plea for equal consideration. We also hope that even if we never find our child that our voice and story will be heard so that other same-sex couples will not have to go through the disappointment that we have found in our attempt to adopt.
Thank you HRC for all that you do to help these great kids find their great parents. Our sincere best wishes to all of you lucky adoptive parents out there. We can only pray that we'll be able to join you one day as proud parents who happen to be gay instead of two gays trying to be parents.
Joe & Craig
Simpsonville, S.C.
Feb. 18, 2009
* Editor’s Note: In the course of their adoption search, Joe and Craig seem to have been given misinformation about the adoption laws in two states. It is not correct that, as one case worker said, Nebraska law does not permit unmarried couples to adopt. Nebraska law allows for adoption by any “adult person or persons.” Nebraska Revised Statutes § 43-101. Nothing in Nebraska law expressly prohibits unmarried couples from adopting. Similarly, South Carolina law provides that “any South Carolina resident may petition the court to adopt a child.” South Carolina Code § 63-9-60. Nothing in South Carolina law expressly prohibits joint adoption by gay or lesbian couples. However, it is very important to note that adoption laws can be ambiguous and can include gaps, especially with regard to adoption by gay and lesbian couples.
Nothing here is intended as legal advice and we strongly recommend that any individual or couple seeking to adopt consults with an attorney who is experienced in adoption law in the state where they are seeking to adopt.