I Have Never Felt So Humiliated
My partner and I were living in Washington, D.C., and excited about having adopted a 16-month-old boy from Eastern Europe. He was brought to an orphanage shortly after birth. Like all parents, our lives were transformed by this wonderful addition to our family.
He was a joy in every way, and even with a diagnosis of minor cerebral palsy that limited his physical mobility somewhat, he still ran us around in a wonderfully exhausting way.
One night, after having been in our home for a few months, he developed difficulty breathing. In the morning, it was not any better, and we decided to bring him to the emergency room in Northern Virginia.
My partner was going to bring him to the Emergency room, and I would meet him there.
I told my partner that since Virginia’s laws are anything but gay-friendly, he should make sure they are aware that our son has two dads, in order to make sure I had no problem getting in if I arrived much later.
When I arrived in the Emergency Room, I ran to the Front Desk and told them I was there to see my son. After mentioning his name they told me he was admitted a few minutes earlier. I asked them where I should go and they then asked me my relationship to him. When I told them I was his father, the attendant responded, “He’s already in there with his father.” When I then said, “Yes, I’m his other father. He has two dads,” you could have heard a pin drop. All eyes turned to me.
I felt as if I were a criminal. I said, “My partner brought my son here, and he spoke with a manager to assure that I would not have a problem seeing my son.” An attendant gave me a smirk and then chimed in, “She’s not here right now. I’ll get her on the phone.”
I urged them to hurry up, and a few precious minutes later she arrived and had someone escort me to see my helpless son with an oxygen tank nearby gasping for breath.
For the 30 minutes in the Emergency Room, and the hours later in a hospital room, my partner and I were watched by two hospital staff as if we were criminals.
I have never felt so humiliated in my life.
Marty
June 2009