Next of Kin
By Karen Waters of Seattle
My immediate family consists of my husband, Colin, and our 1-year-old son, Tate.
My mother, Brenda Meehan, died last August from a terminal disease known as Multiple System Atrophy. She was 64. She founded the Russian Studies program at the University of Rochester and served as its director for 20 years.
In addition to teaching history courses, she served as a senior associate dean in the College of Arts & Science, was instrumental in the creation of the women’s studies program and later was a founding member of what is now the Susan B. Anthony Institute for Gender and Women’s Studies.
At my mom’s deathbed was her partner, her sister, my sister and me. Minutes after Mom died, the doctor on call came into the room and asked who next of kin was. Melanie, my mother’s partner, responded saying she was her partner and healthcare proxy, then added that she also had power of attorney.
The doctor tersely responded that now that Mom was dead that was irrelevant and none of that mattered anymore. He then repeated his request to speak to the next of kin and continued to conduct his line of questioning in a heartless manner.
It was clear that if it wasn’t for our relationship with Melanie, Melanie would have had no say in important medical questions, such as whether we wanted an autopsy, regarding her partner who had died minutes earlier.
For the record, I would like it to be known that my mother’s primary care providers were all wonderful and conducted their work with care and grace.
Feb. 28, 2007