Kept Apart in the Emergency Room
By Lynn Grotsky, Lacey, Wash.
My partner, Lisa Brodoff, and I have been together for more than 25 years. We have two children, ages 16 and 19. About 20 years ago we had a two-year legal battle, here in Washington, allowing our children to legally have two moms. And here we are, almost two decades later, still fighting for some simple, basic rights.
When we decided we wanted to have children 20 years ago, we researched all of our options, and with trepidation shared our plans with our confused and concerned family members and finally took the plunge. After many months we were successfully pregnant with our first child. We were on cloud nine: pregnant, happy and loving every second of the journey.
At just over 12 weeks, Lisa started to have cramping and some bleeding. As the day progressed the bleeding worsened and we were growing more and more frightened. By evening our doctor told us to go immediately to the emergency room. By the time we arrived, Lisa was in extreme pain.
We raced in and explained that we were scared that we were miscarrying our baby. They asked me who I was and I told them I was Lisa’s partner, the baby’s other mom. They immediately whisked Lisa away and told me to wait in the waiting room. Lisa was begging them to let me come but they told her I couldn’t.
I was in the waiting room calling everyone I knew who might be able to help me convince the staff to let me in and be with my Lisa. I pleaded with the staff over and over again. Finally, after almost an hour, they relented and let me in. By then Lisa had completely miscarried and I walked in to find her alone and shaking on the hospital table.
I can’t even begin to tell you the feelings of helplessness and rage I felt at my not being able to be with Lisa when she needed me the most and when we both needed each other. And then to find her lying there alone, cold, shaken and in shock. I felt like I had completely abandoned her.
Now, if I went into a hospital today, 20 years later, the exact same thing could happen. And now with Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act regulations, if Lisa was unconscious, they would not be able to give me any information unless I happened to have the proper legal documents with me.
Feb. 15, 2007