If We Had Been Married, This Would Not Have Happened
Susan K. Lupul
I am sharing my story because I do not wish for anyone to go through the pain and anguish that I did.
My now deceased partner and soul mate, Beatrice, was a physician assistant in Westchester County, N.Y., for many years. She was a dedicated healer, committed to serving the community with her exceptional skills and endless, unbiased compassion. We were together from 1989 until she died in 2001. We considered ourselves spiritually married, but we desired legal marriage as well.
In 1996 Beatrice fell ill while at a medical conference in San Antonio. She was diagnosed with a rare heart virus and lung disease. Both were incurable and the medicines for both clashed. I was her loving primary caregiver until she died. With the wonderful support of Hospice, she was able to live at home, a place she cherished, until her last hospitalization.
From 1996 to 2001, she was often hospitalized and rushed to the emergency room for lifesaving procedures several times.
On the morning of March 22, 2001, Bea wasn’t feeling well so I once again brought her to the hospital for admission. Late in that evening, her condition worsened. She died in the early morning hours the following day. Not only was I not contacted about her decline, it took the hospital four hours to contact me after her death even though my contact information was in the front of the chart. She died without me by her side. We knew she was going to die. We planned on sharing the last moments together. We wanted to hold hands, to look into each others eyes, to say “I love you,” and to say goodbye. We weren’t able to.
If we had been married, this would not have happened.
Two out-of-state relatives whom she hadn’t seen in decades contested her will. It went to court. Thankfully, they did not show and the case was won in our favor by default.
If we had been married, this would not have happened.
Our home was in Beatrice’s name when she died. We planned on changing this in due time. We thought we had at least a year, but we did not. So, I had to go before the board of directors of the co-op with all my financial records, work history and previous dwelling information for approval, which I got.
If we had been married, this would not have happened.
June 28, 2006