Crossing the Border
By Abigail, Tacoma, Wash.
"I now pronounce you legally wedded spouses."
I can’t describe the thrill we felt when the Canadian marriage commissioner said these words to us. To know that an entire country recognized our love was amazing.
Deciding to go to Vancouver, British Columbia, to be legally married was huge decision for my partner and me. We found the most wonderful same-sex wedding planner, and he took care of all the details.
The sad part, to us, was coming home. Crossing that border meant that on tax returns, loan applications, business licenses and any other legal document, we'd have to continue to mark "single."
We even wondered what to tell border patrol to their question: "Purpose of visit?"
When we told the guard that we'd gotten married, his response was, "Congratulations! That's great!" That was not what we expected — but that's the response we usually get.
I now refer to Katie as my wife in most situations. I still use the word “partner” in things like job interviews, but out in the everyday world I usually use “wife.”
Last week, we went to the courthouse so that we would have the same last name. Some will mistake us for sisters instead of spouses, but it feels good to share a name with my wife, and our daughter, too.
Now, when we talk to other women about things like adoption, visitation and other such things, they are flabbergasted at the things that we can't do.
If we can educate others, I will feel that I have done some good.
Feb. 28, 2005