Committed, In Sickness and in Health
By Cheryl Snider Garrison
When my partner, Tracey, and I decided on Valentine’s Day to formally recognize our commitment to each other this fall, little did we know what lay ahead of us. Just three weeks before completing my work as a second-career student in the Wake Forest University Divinity School, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After countless procedures, exams and radiologist evaluations, I underwent a partial mastectomy during the last week of classes.
While my health care providers and family were very understanding and accepting of Tracey's voice in my health care decisions and her presence by my side at every procedure, we often found ourselves holding our breaths. We walked into each medical facility armed with my health care power of attorney and durable power of attorney. Our glove compartments contain those documents, as well as one assigning Tracey the right to make medical decisions for my children on my behalf. The reality that my will can be overridden by the slightest whim of a distant relative or my children’s father stays in the back of our minds. We remain vigilant at a time when our energies are best spent on healing.
Health care decision-making is the tip of the iceberg. After examining the fine print on my student health insurance policy, I was able to extend my coverage temporarily. Tracey has health insurance, but it is not offered to domestic partners. Nor, as second-career students, could we afford the stiff tax penalty that goes with so-called benefits. So what would have cost about $150 per month to those who are eligible for family coverage will cost me $2,800 per month when my current coverage expires.
Despite the obstacles that the structures of society have created, Tracey and I remain committed to one another, in terms of traditional marriage, “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” We’ve seen all of those already in ways some heterosexual couples cannot even begin to grasp, and we look forward to sharing our commitment to each other with our incredibly committed Quaker community at a special meeting for worship on Sunday, Oct. 10, 2004.
Love does truly make a family.
Sept. 9, 2004