Growing old together
by Harlan Pruden
The moment I met Patrick, I knew it was the beginning of a good thing. His smile and dancing blue eyes were a precursor to his gentle, loving and giving nature.
I remember the day Patrick and I admitted our love for one another. I was lying in Patrick’s arms as we were making plans for the upcoming week. The conversation grew to the next month and then beyond. Then Patrick said, “I can picture us sitting together on a porch in rockers sipping lemonade.” With that one image, we knew that we belonged together. Each day and every night my heart affirms this image, which is now a reality. We are growing old together, and one day, we will be that lemonade-sipping couple on the front porch.
My only wish is that I could finish this story with more amusing and touching anecdotes about life’s ups and downs. And let me tell you, Patrick and I have plenty of stories to share, for we are two living as one, as every other happy couple in America.
But on to the cold reality: There are currently 1,049 federal rights and approximately 150 state rights in New York that exist for the benefit of married heterosexual couples. By its own laws, the government is telling me my love has no worth or value. For if I was a female, Patrick and I would have all the rights, benefits and responsibilities that matrimonial law would afford us. Love is love. And as my heart beats, I know and feel love is love.
Being unable to get married has become an issue that pervades our daily lives. Things like spousal health benefits, financial decisions and retirement packages are not a reality for us as we make plans for our porch. Simple things are no longer simple, like how to plan for the potential circumstance of one of us taking seriously ill. Do we really need a health proxy or do we use a power of attorney document? Even when we have these documents, is that going to ensure either one of us visitation rights, not to mention the right to make medical decisions for each other? Financial decisions that married couples can make without tax consequences -- such as sharing a checking account and having both names on the title to a home or car -- can expose us to gift taxes because federal tax law treats us like strangers.
For now, Patrick and I cling to the fact that we have each other, and our love grows stronger with each day and so does our dream: a porch, two rockers, two glasses of lemonade and each other. However, the real unspoken dream is summed up by asking for equality for one, equality for all and equality for us, someday.
Jan. 17, 2003