A quarter-century together
by Paul and Mark Sibley-Schreiber
I am writing because I feel very strongly about the positive aspects of same-gender unions. My partner and I have been together for more than 26 years, living what appears to be a traditional "married" life.
We decided to formalize our commitment six years ago by inviting our relatives and friends to share in our union. We had a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony performed by Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum and Rabbi Roderick Young of Congregation Beth Simchat Torah. Before 140 witnesses we took the sacred vows of marriage under the chuppah, or wedding canopy.
We declared our love before God, our family and friends, as well as millions of people who saw our ceremony being televised by the major networks. We felt very good about what we had done and gained acceptance from many family members who had shunned our relationship. It was now "legal" under the eyes of God.
My partner is fortunate to work for a company that recognizes domestic partnerships and I am able to receive medical benefits under his plan. However, if something should happen to him, I would not be allowed to continue with the medical benefits.
Any of the other numerous benefits offered to associates and their families are denied to me since I am not a legal spouse. I cannot participate in the Flex Spending Program. My health insurance is payable after taxes, not before. Of course, I am not eligible to receive Social Security benefits under his name, nor can I claim any other government benefit that would go to a legal spouse.
We have taken care of our wills, and under his retirement plan, I am the beneficiary. But he cannot add me as a recipient of the retirement funds during life. The government and many religious organizations claim we have no marital rights, yet we live together as a couple, love together as a “married” couple and function together as a couple, yet we are denied rights of equality because of religious dogmas.
We are a good, stable couple. We contribute to society like any other couple, maybe even more so since we generously donate to numerous charities. Only my partner can take those donations as deductions. We jointly own two homes and a large farm, our lifestyle is "large," yet our contributions are looked upon as inconsequential. Times are changing. Families are changing. We are a family and we deserve equal treatment like any other couple.
Jan. 16, 2003