Divorce would be a relief
by Sheila Seclearr
Going through a breakup is never simple, but when kids are involved, it can be very confusing and complicated. It was especially so when I was splitting up with the woman I had lived with for five years. My 16-year-old son and I had known her for 10 years. We owned a house together, and of course, we both thought we'd always live in this house.
I hoped we could find a way to work through our negotiations, but she had so much anger and verbal outrage that my son moved out first and I left soon after. He said he couldn't live with the fighting and I didn't blame him. I rented a little apartment and he moved back in with me. I felt better emotionally, but once I moved out of the house, I lost ground on negotiations.
I couldn't file for a divorce because we weren't married. All my assets were tied up in the house and my ex-partner was not motivated to negotiate. After a year, as I watched the real estate market soar and tried to get appraisals for the property, I finally insisted that she either buy me out or put the house on the market. She agreed to negotiate, but it took months of meetings. I had to gather every record of our entire relationship, proving what I had spent on the house repairs, mortgage payments, utility bills -- everything. I settled for less than the property was worth because I was exhausted and eager to get the “deal” finished.
Some of my straight friends would sympathize that it was just like going through a divorce, to which I replied, “No, it isn’t. It would be a relief if I could get a divorce.”
Jan. 15, 2003