You deserve the best
by Dominique M.
I've always dreamed of getting married. Not just for the white dress, the flowers, the dancing till the wee hours of the morning, but for more than that. I've dreamed of marrying the one that I love in the company of my closest friends and family with their love and support. I've dreamed of waking up every day confident in the presence of my lover in my life. I've dreamed of sharing my dreams and my hopes with this woman, as she shares hers with me, of sharing a home, of starting a family and watching it grow.
After getting through the process of coming out to myself and friends, coming out to my family was an incredible challenge. While my brother came through with shining colors, my parents have become much more distant and I know that it will take time for us to re-establish our relationship.
In the meantime, I keep hoping that one day they'll actually ask how my girlfriend is or what our plans are for the future. If I were dating a man, I am sure that my mother would ask about him every time she called me. But I'm not and my lesbianism is something that she just doesn't understand. I am in the position of negotiating a balance between her discomfort and my need for her recognition of who I am.
All of this comes down to the question of marriage and that discussion of "forever." We want to spend the rest of our lives together. What is so common to people in their 20s, which we are, becomes incredibly complex when we can't just go out and get married. The most we can hope for is a union celebration at our Unitarian Universalist fellowship with the belief that perhaps someday the government will recognize that our relationship has just as much significance as that of a man and a woman.
My girlfriend and I went shopping last weekend and ended up at the mall. As we walked through, we passed a multitude of stores until we came to what seemed like jewelers’ row, where we stopped. Standing hand in hand at this crossroad, I looked at her, she looked back, nodded her head and we stepped in.
What can I say? I've never looked for rings before and I wasn't even sure if we were just looking or really looking, but I definitely wanted to be there, dreaming of our future. We popped in and out of several stores that afternoon and ended up at the counter in one store with an incredibly astute salesman. Keen on making the sale regardless of the couple, he gave us his pitch while pulling out ring after ring and placing them on the glass counter. I was overwhelmed and yet I still gave my hand to the jeweler when he brought out his best piece. Despite my shaky hands, he slipped the ring onto my finger without much difficulty. Looking straight at my girlfriend, he told her that I deserved the best.
I left the store longing for the day when I could actually put a down payment on a ring, while knowing that I needed to wait for the right time. If only timing was the least of my concerns.
For now, I wait: for the point in my life when my girlfriend becomes my partner; for the day it's OK for me talk to my co-workers about her being more than just my roommate; for the day that our children run into the house calling to us with joy; for the day my mother sends my wife a birthday card.
And for the day when I know that if I fall ill, she can care for me; that if our children are sick, either one of us can take off work to care for them; that we can file our taxes jointly; and most especially, for the day when the PTA and our neighbors know us as those “lovely ladies in apartment 2A,” without a second thought regarding the reality of our relationship.
I am thankful for the progress that's been made so far. But I hope that the value of our commitment is recognized while I am still young enough to dream of sharing my life with her.
Jan. 6, 2003