Bobbie, Lelia and Me
by Dalia Stokes (Houston, Texas)
Bobbie Bayless and I have been together for more than 27 years. My daughter, Lelia, was just 4 when we first met. We both worked at the Rice University Campus Store. I ordered all the texts for the each semester's classes, and Bobbie was working part time as a student. I had met all of the part-time students, but I didn't know any of them well. That changed one day when Bobbie was assigned to help me with my project.
The bookstore where we worked was in the basement of the student center. Bobbie and I worked on the project all day, not realizing that all that time, it had been raining. Late in the afternoon the manager ran downstairs screaming for everyone to "get out, get out," just as water poured into the bookstore.
Bobbie had the presence of mind to go back for the cards she had keypunched that day. Soon, the bookstore was floating in about five feet of water. It was the flood of '76 that inundated not only many basements at Rice University but also virtually all the basements in the Houston Medical Center. (On our 25th anniversary, an almost identical flood occurred again during hurricane Allison in June 2001.)
The bookstore manager knew that it would be weeks before we were able to get back to work in the store, so for the next several weeks, Bobbie was sent with me to satellite locations to work on the ordering the text books in time for the fall semester. Had it not been for this act of God, I would never have had the opportunity to know my life partner.
Bobbie and I helped each other through law school. Bobbie sold her car to help with finances. We both worked part time and went to law school at night. When Bobbie's schedule conflicted with mine, she rode the bus downtown to class.
Lelia's father, Rick, and I had divorced when Lelia was only an infant. He remarried about the same time I met Bobbie. Rick and his wife had two boys (Lelia's half-brothers), and Lelia visited their home whenever Rick wanted, which amounted to about every other Sunday.
Lelia, who was 6 years old by the time I started law school, often went to night classes with us and colored or read outside the classroom until it was time to go home. When Lelia got to second grade, we took her out of an over-crowded, under-diversified school and put her in a neighborhood Catholic school that would take her through eighth grade.
Bobbie finished law school in 1980, and I finished in 1981. The owners of the house we were renting wanted to sell the house and had waited for us to both finish law school to give us first crack at it. Luckily, my mother was there to lend us the down payment, and we took on a mortgage at an exorbitant interest rate, as interest was sky-high in those days.
Bobbie and I had worked for other firms during and after law school, but by 1983, we decided to take the plunge and set up our own firm. Bayless & Stokes has been in business for 20 years now and is A-V rated.
Bobbie is a successful, board-certified civil litigator and served several terms as a Director of the Houston Bar Association (1988-1999). I am board-certified in estate planning and probate and have served as Chair of the Houston Bar Association's Probate and Trusts Section (1993-1994), as well as in many other leadership roles in the Houston Bar.
Over the years, we worked hard and managed to pay off Bobbie's college and law school loans, bought additional property and much later (2000) were able to build a larger home. My 88-year-old mother has been very accepting of our relationship. Unfortunately, Bobbie is estranged from her parents who have indicated no understanding or acceptance or our relationship.
Lelia graduated from high school with honors. Throughout high school and summers between college semesters, Lelia worked several different part-time jobs, including babysitting, copy girl for The Houston Post and waiting tables. In 1990, off she went to Carleton College in Northfield, Minn. Fortunately, my mother volunteered to pay for Lelia's tuition, so she would not be saddled with loans after she graduated.
In 1996, Lelia met Tony in Minneapolis. It wasn't long before they decided to get married. My mother helped put on a New Year's Eve wedding with dinner and dancing 'til midnight at the Junior League of Houston, Dec. 31, 1997.
Lelia is now 31 and living in Minneapolis with her husband Tony, 33, and their daughters Eleanor, 4, and Evelyn, 1. Lelia and Tony have been very supportive of our relationship. Although Bobbie has no legal relationship with Lelia, she has treated her like she was her own daughter, without interfering with the relationship that Lelia has with her father.
Bobbie and I always felt like our relationship was stronger than legal contrivances and we hope that one day the law will catch up to our reality. In the meantime, of course, Bobbie and I have gone to a fair amount of trouble to try to provide for one another, to provide for Lelia, to look out after my mother now that she can no longer live in her own home, and to think about helping with our granddaughters just as my mother helped with her granddaughter, Lelia, so many times as she was growing up.
I am certain that if you asked my daughter, she would like very much for me to be able to get Social Security survivor benefits if Bobbie predeceased me or for Bobbie to get them if I predecease Bobbie, as heterosexual married couples do. Lelia knows that one day, in all likelihood, she will be looking out after me and Bobbie or whichever one is left, just as I am looking out after my mother. It makes no sense that although we have worked our whole lives as a couple and raised Lelia together, she could end up taking care of one of us without the benefit of the Social Security to which the other partner contributed all her adult life.