When a Partner Becomes Disabled
By Ron Horn
My now-deceased partner, Rodney, went on disability in 1995 and stopped working. He was able to retain his health insurance through COBRA (at the employer's full cost) for 33 months after going on disability. From that point on, the race had begun.
Rodney's drugs alone at the time were costing about $2,000 per month. Even though his insurance carrier paid for most of it, we knew we had to do something before those 33 months were up or we would become bankrupt very quickly. I checked but there was no way to include Rodney on my health coverage through my employer.
I soon learned that there was a small number of employers in the Atlanta area who provided domestic partner health insurance coverage. From March 1995 to December 1997, I researched, I searched, I interviewed and I told everyone I knew of our plight to try to find a solution.
I formally solicited the policy committee at my then-employer to consider adding the benefit so I could remain employed there, but to no avail. I appealed to them with research and cost analyses and demonstrated how many other law firms, mostly in New York and larger cities, provided domestic partner insurance to their gay employees. But I was ultimately told, "It is not going to happen." I did learn years later that they did start offering this benefit, albeit too late for me and Rodney.
I ultimately found a better position with better pay and with the desperately needed domestic partner health insurance for Rodney in New York. But it came at a price —uprooting Rodney and myself by moving away from our family, friends and support network at a time when we needed them the most. But we did what we had to do. Had Rodney and I been able to legally marry, none of this would have been an issue for us for we would have remained in Atlanta to live out the remaining time he had.
It was difficult to adjust to New York under such circumstances but the benefits at my new employer were coming through for us. But even though my new employer provided health insurance for my partner, it cost me more than my married peers at the office.
Because the Internal Revenue Service does not sanction such health coverage to non-married couples, my employer's portion of Rodney's health insurance premium (the bulk of it) was considered income to me and I had to pay income taxes on this amount. I was paying about $120 more per month in income taxes because of Rodney's health insurance premium than the co-worker who worked right next to me, who had health insurance for his wife and children, none of which cost my co-worker additional money in federal income tax.
I also discovered that the Family Medical Leave Act did not apply to me when Rodney was in a coma at the hospital for two-and-a-half weeks before his death in 2002. The Family Medical Leave Act requires employers to give employees with an immediate family member (i.e., spouse or child) in crisis up to six months off and a guarantee of employment upon returning. But thankfully, my employer voluntarily extended this benefit to gay and lesbian employees the month before Rodney's lengthy hospital stay, so I was able to apply for a leave of absence. But there was no requirement for them to do so.
I share this story to let others know that it is still rare for employers to offer family medical leave to non-married employees. And there are extremist organizations that want the Federal Marriage Amendment to be used to "forbid" employers from voluntarily extending any benefits such as family medical leave to gay and lesbian couples.
April 18, 2005
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