Positively dating
by Brandon Braud
I’m single again, HIV-positive and back on the dating scene. It’s been three years since I dated and almost seven since I dated with such confidence. But who is ready to honestly date me?
Being HIV-positive and dating is a topic that we just don’t discuss in polite gay society. But we should! It is time for the era of being pariahs to end. For the few getting attention about being HIV-positive and reckless, there are many more of us who are making smart choices and practicing safe sex. But mention that you are positive and many people conveniently have other plans.
There are some, though, who don’t back off immediately. Recently I met someone with whom I shared an immediate connection – a spark that I had not felt in a long time. We spoke of my status. Although naive, he asked insightful questions. “How are you handling the mental side of it all? What are you doing to take care of yourself physically?” We had a great date. For the very first time in almost seven years, someone wanted to know and enjoy me – the HIV-positive me. Although we’re not dating now, we have become close friends.
Dating when you’re positive can be very difficult. You shouldn’t turn off your feelings and avoid dating, but you shouldn’t avoid discussing your status with your date. You just want to live an honest and normal life. Unfortunately, honesty means off-limits to many and dating can get to the point of complete frustration.
Not wanting to deal with the stigma, some in my position hide their status while having safe sex or choosing not to have any sex at all. I know the pain of rejection that many of these people feel, but I also know that there is at least one person out there who will take me for who I am. And I also know that many others like him exist.
Ignorance is not bliss when confronting HIV. And knowledge has great power when it comes to facing the fears of this disease. Passing on dating someone because he is positive, while often blamed on his status, is purely due to the foolishness of the would-not-be dater. The fact is that many of us are positive and living healthy lives. Every one of my days is a wonder to behold because I have learned what matters in my life, like many other positive people out there looking for solid, healthy relationships -- looking for someone with whom to share our lives.
Step outside of yourself and say hello to us. Find out who we are beyond the status that we hold. Maybe I won’t be your life partner, but maybe, just maybe, I am the one you’ve been looking for.
Jan. 8, 2003