Being by his side
by Rob
Earlier this year, Bill and I went to New Orleans for an annual weeklong get-together with friends from college. We all went to a restaurant for lunch. Bill is highly allergic to shellfish and it was made very clear to the waitress he could not have any food prepared with shellfish. Unfortunately, he had a severe reaction to a pasta dish with sauce we later found out contained crawfish. The restaurant was not prepared to react, so we rushed to a drug store to purchase some Benadryl.
When Bill started to get worse, we then rushed to the hospital, but when we arrived at the emergency room, we couldn’t figure out how to check in. At this point, Bill was having difficulty breathing. At the intake counter, I explained the situation to one of the employees and she told us to wait in the lobby, where a couple dozen of folks were already waiting. I, of course, was not happy with this. Bill's hands were shaking and I reiterated the urgency of the situation with the intake person. She motioned the nurse on duty who took us in to ask questions.
Luckily, the nurse, Bret, was a gay male who immediately calmed us down and began the preliminary evaluation. Bill took off his shirt and was covered from head to toe with large red hives. Bret told me that New Orleans is very gay friendly and that I could take care of the paperwork and sign on his behalf, while Bill was rushed into the ER for treatment.
It was obvious that the intake representative was uncomfortable with our relationship, but I was as smooth and professional as I could be in order to make sure all was in order. When I finished, Bret came back to take me into the ER where Bill was hooked up to two IVs. During the two hours we were there, Bret came back to check on us and tell us where to go during our visit. I was so impressed with his help and professionalism that I wrote to the hospital, complimenting his efforts.
The idea of not being able to act on Bill's behalf and be there by his side – during the worst scenario we have ever encountered and in a city with which we were unfamiliar – would have been devastating. Chances are I would have had to be arrested if I was not allowed to stay with him and be there for him.
Having the "rights" to act on his medical needs and be there for him during such an emergency should be rights afforded to anyone in a similar situation.
As a lesson learned, we have been trying to educate ourselves on preparing the necessary powers of attorney, wills, medical directives, etc., but find there are not many attorneys in our area who have the experience or desire to help two gay men prepare such documents. Either way, we will be better prepared next time we travel.
Jan. 8, 2003